A Stained Glass.
This is a story of a little girl whit a little heart. It will tell how the birds of a little talent can be caged. It present the brutal growth of that heart which once was beautiful and innocent but, then; it becomes the crushed soul and a ruined personality.
Let us listen the story from the tongue which bore it, and let us listen her heart through her words.
The story starts when I was in 7th grade, and I were a flimsy, weak little girl with a pale face and big wide eyes. It was the time when doctors revealed it to my mother that it is not actually an in-hailing problem but a heart disease. It can never be cured, she has this disease since the very first day of her birth, and it is quite late now so, she has to live with it. I had no trouble in that. I was happy (and I still am happy) to be sick is not a big deal I thought but, it was just me and my perception. the world doesn't think like that. It is a very filthy place though to live in, harsh but reality. I know, many people would call me crazy for saying that but they cannot hold me of voicing my opinion, at least not now. I have had enough of this world so that is the harshness which I have received from it. It is truly a reflection, not of my soul but, the reality or the reflection of the people I faced and suffered.
I get back to my school with an injured knee, I couldn't walk properly but I had to attend classes as, my attendance was already short. Meanwhile our teacher was busy in gossips with other teachers I came out of the class to fill my water-bottle, one of the teachers asked to my teacher; "Why is she walking like that?" and my teacher or so called teacher replied; "Arrey iss ka tu roz ka drama hy, kabi sans band kabi dill ma dard or ab taand b toot gai lagta hy". I had only a minor injury but now while going back to my home I bore a huge wound on my heart. A wound that can never be healed by my medicine. Words cut you down into pieces and there is no blood, no trash and no dirt of your crushed soul.
Teachers in our society are considered as everything or something, and you cannot utter any harsh thing about them, not even their reality cause, they are teachers and, above all they are like your parents. Huh! like, this very word "Like" already has explained everything. In my opinion it doesn't matter who is who, the matter of importance is how is who in character, behavior and sincerity to his/her duty. Anyhow, I survived those taunts bitterly but I did that. She made this her habit to tease me and to make me feel bad. She used to hurt me with her sarcastic statements and stares. The problem with the lady was that, she couldn't find any flaw in my academic performance as I used to be quite sharp and an intelligent student so, she tried to pull me down by other means and she succeeded. She made me sit at the last bench as, she knew that I do not feel comfortable there. That was the tactic, she wanted to break my concentration and pull me down from first to last position. And finally, the day arrived when I told my mother that I don't want to go to school. My mom was a little worried but she didn't pay much heed to my words. At the end she had to as, in the morning I refused to go to school instead, I asked her to come with me and file a complaint against that teacher to the principal. She agreed and it was a battle field for me, battle which I had to win by all means. I spoke for the first time even in front of that teacher. I told the principal everything, my mother was shocked as, I had not explained anything to her. She became furious and talked to the principal in the most high of her temper. "Is this the way you deal with your students? I am angry at you too, she said to me; why haven't you told me these things before? But, then she lowered her voice as, she can get the idea why I didn't. Principal had just warned her and that was it. And the lady we complaint against turned into a beast. She started treating me in the worst manner. She turned from reality into a nightmare. I had to decide what to do, either to bear with her sick mentality and get sick like her or change my school. Mom decided to change the school is a better option as, the doggedness of that lady was increasing after every passing day.
So, that was just the beginning of my story, there's a lot to tell. My mind is fluctuating between events what to tell and how to share, it happens with all normal human beings, well, and I think I'm one of them.
Then comes college, in the second year of my college life I had a stroke (minor heart attack) kinda thing, went to hospital for a whole week. I submitted my medical reports to the HOD of our department. She called me and said rather, asked; why were you absent for a whole week? And I was like; what, are you really asking? I mean you have the medical certificate right on your table, so I don't understand the need of this ridiculous question. it was running in my mind but could just say that;"Ma'am I was hospitalized as I had a stroke". She murmured, a stroke hm well, then I don't think that you can continue with your studies. Listen I think you should rest for one year, after that we will see whether you can do it or you should cut it off simply. I felt a cold shudder in my body as, this was and is my only passion. Love of my life to get education, to go as far as I can in my field of interest. That was the very time when I displayed my anger and my determination about my studies. I asked her that"ma'am I am ill since my childhood, still I came so far with all my physical competencies, then how on earth you said that?" And secondly, if, you can give me guarantee that I will be fine after a year then I'll take a year off not a big deal, for that you will just have to say that I will be perfectly fine, tell me ma'am can you say that?" She felt something I don't know what but she changed the topic and asked me about my eating habits and breakfast routine. These might not be the worst experiences of ones life but these are something to someone. Like constantly pulling someone down for something which is not in the hands of us. We cannot choose our fate. We cannot choose our sufferings what has been written, we have to accept it, I have accepted all my problems with an open heart. I don't feel bad about it as, I am nit the one who is the reason for all this. My ALLAH PAAK has decided this for me and it is the best in fact, best of the best. I cannot deny the blessings. These are only the few things I have shared, there are many in my heart still but, I can't share them.
Then come University the best and the worst place to get knowledge and to groom yourself. My statement is paradoxical I know it can be either best or worst, but what can I do as, I don't have any other options to select. Lets start with the best ones. There are many teachers who are justifying their high post of being a teacher. It is the best profession, as for me a teacher can make or unmake a man. Some teachers are extremely generous and greatly sincere with their job and students. They don't think that students are their subordinates. They encourage them with their ideas and enhance their thinking power by appreciating them. they do not discriminate or have favorites.
Then comes those who are not sincere with their profession and, for me they are the black sheep of the faculty. They demolish the structure and ruin the talents. They snub the ideas and shush their students either of jealousy or superiority complex. They call names to their students, laugh at them, mock their talking style and moreover ridicule their selection of words while having a conversation. They try to low their morals and break their confidence and self-esteem. They perform the role of a destructive weapon. Their character is mischievous and their deeds are filthy. They are demons under the guise of angels. People like me destruct themselves because, of these sarcastic gazes, comments and stares. Your fellows also tell you that stop talking like that, it seems as if, you are bragging about your language and accent. And, I stopped talking my real self out. I pushed myself back and lost the tiniest bit I had in me. And, now I'm trying to get myself back. I will fight to get better and better whole my life, till my death. I will not stop. Nobody can demolish my faith, and no body can stop me. I stammered and jerked while faking my accent as, I tried to speak normal like normal means like other students of the class so, that nobody think that I am bragging or showing off. It wasn't my purpose, I am used to the accent I speak. Since my childhood I'm speaking that accent so what is so bad about it? I could have understood this before. I shouldn't have wasted it.
I think that is it, after reading this story, everyone think who the hell this "I" is? I the crushed soul, still chasing me and it will chase me forever, it will die and burr with me in my grave, as that crushed soul is me. That is "I" when I say "I".
The "I" represent everyone of us, who is the character and what is the name, it is not important. The fact is to convey the message, save yourself and your soul, do not let others crush it under their feet. Crush the harshness of life, chew it hard and throw it away, you will feel sweetness of life at the end.
All copyrights are reserved.
Let us listen the story from the tongue which bore it, and let us listen her heart through her words.
The story starts when I was in 7th grade, and I were a flimsy, weak little girl with a pale face and big wide eyes. It was the time when doctors revealed it to my mother that it is not actually an in-hailing problem but a heart disease. It can never be cured, she has this disease since the very first day of her birth, and it is quite late now so, she has to live with it. I had no trouble in that. I was happy (and I still am happy) to be sick is not a big deal I thought but, it was just me and my perception. the world doesn't think like that. It is a very filthy place though to live in, harsh but reality. I know, many people would call me crazy for saying that but they cannot hold me of voicing my opinion, at least not now. I have had enough of this world so that is the harshness which I have received from it. It is truly a reflection, not of my soul but, the reality or the reflection of the people I faced and suffered.
I get back to my school with an injured knee, I couldn't walk properly but I had to attend classes as, my attendance was already short. Meanwhile our teacher was busy in gossips with other teachers I came out of the class to fill my water-bottle, one of the teachers asked to my teacher; "Why is she walking like that?" and my teacher or so called teacher replied; "Arrey iss ka tu roz ka drama hy, kabi sans band kabi dill ma dard or ab taand b toot gai lagta hy". I had only a minor injury but now while going back to my home I bore a huge wound on my heart. A wound that can never be healed by my medicine. Words cut you down into pieces and there is no blood, no trash and no dirt of your crushed soul.
Teachers in our society are considered as everything or something, and you cannot utter any harsh thing about them, not even their reality cause, they are teachers and, above all they are like your parents. Huh! like, this very word "Like" already has explained everything. In my opinion it doesn't matter who is who, the matter of importance is how is who in character, behavior and sincerity to his/her duty. Anyhow, I survived those taunts bitterly but I did that. She made this her habit to tease me and to make me feel bad. She used to hurt me with her sarcastic statements and stares. The problem with the lady was that, she couldn't find any flaw in my academic performance as I used to be quite sharp and an intelligent student so, she tried to pull me down by other means and she succeeded. She made me sit at the last bench as, she knew that I do not feel comfortable there. That was the tactic, she wanted to break my concentration and pull me down from first to last position. And finally, the day arrived when I told my mother that I don't want to go to school. My mom was a little worried but she didn't pay much heed to my words. At the end she had to as, in the morning I refused to go to school instead, I asked her to come with me and file a complaint against that teacher to the principal. She agreed and it was a battle field for me, battle which I had to win by all means. I spoke for the first time even in front of that teacher. I told the principal everything, my mother was shocked as, I had not explained anything to her. She became furious and talked to the principal in the most high of her temper. "Is this the way you deal with your students? I am angry at you too, she said to me; why haven't you told me these things before? But, then she lowered her voice as, she can get the idea why I didn't. Principal had just warned her and that was it. And the lady we complaint against turned into a beast. She started treating me in the worst manner. She turned from reality into a nightmare. I had to decide what to do, either to bear with her sick mentality and get sick like her or change my school. Mom decided to change the school is a better option as, the doggedness of that lady was increasing after every passing day.
So, that was just the beginning of my story, there's a lot to tell. My mind is fluctuating between events what to tell and how to share, it happens with all normal human beings, well, and I think I'm one of them.
Then comes college, in the second year of my college life I had a stroke (minor heart attack) kinda thing, went to hospital for a whole week. I submitted my medical reports to the HOD of our department. She called me and said rather, asked; why were you absent for a whole week? And I was like; what, are you really asking? I mean you have the medical certificate right on your table, so I don't understand the need of this ridiculous question. it was running in my mind but could just say that;"Ma'am I was hospitalized as I had a stroke". She murmured, a stroke hm well, then I don't think that you can continue with your studies. Listen I think you should rest for one year, after that we will see whether you can do it or you should cut it off simply. I felt a cold shudder in my body as, this was and is my only passion. Love of my life to get education, to go as far as I can in my field of interest. That was the very time when I displayed my anger and my determination about my studies. I asked her that"ma'am I am ill since my childhood, still I came so far with all my physical competencies, then how on earth you said that?" And secondly, if, you can give me guarantee that I will be fine after a year then I'll take a year off not a big deal, for that you will just have to say that I will be perfectly fine, tell me ma'am can you say that?" She felt something I don't know what but she changed the topic and asked me about my eating habits and breakfast routine. These might not be the worst experiences of ones life but these are something to someone. Like constantly pulling someone down for something which is not in the hands of us. We cannot choose our fate. We cannot choose our sufferings what has been written, we have to accept it, I have accepted all my problems with an open heart. I don't feel bad about it as, I am nit the one who is the reason for all this. My ALLAH PAAK has decided this for me and it is the best in fact, best of the best. I cannot deny the blessings. These are only the few things I have shared, there are many in my heart still but, I can't share them.
Then come University the best and the worst place to get knowledge and to groom yourself. My statement is paradoxical I know it can be either best or worst, but what can I do as, I don't have any other options to select. Lets start with the best ones. There are many teachers who are justifying their high post of being a teacher. It is the best profession, as for me a teacher can make or unmake a man. Some teachers are extremely generous and greatly sincere with their job and students. They don't think that students are their subordinates. They encourage them with their ideas and enhance their thinking power by appreciating them. they do not discriminate or have favorites.
Then comes those who are not sincere with their profession and, for me they are the black sheep of the faculty. They demolish the structure and ruin the talents. They snub the ideas and shush their students either of jealousy or superiority complex. They call names to their students, laugh at them, mock their talking style and moreover ridicule their selection of words while having a conversation. They try to low their morals and break their confidence and self-esteem. They perform the role of a destructive weapon. Their character is mischievous and their deeds are filthy. They are demons under the guise of angels. People like me destruct themselves because, of these sarcastic gazes, comments and stares. Your fellows also tell you that stop talking like that, it seems as if, you are bragging about your language and accent. And, I stopped talking my real self out. I pushed myself back and lost the tiniest bit I had in me. And, now I'm trying to get myself back. I will fight to get better and better whole my life, till my death. I will not stop. Nobody can demolish my faith, and no body can stop me. I stammered and jerked while faking my accent as, I tried to speak normal like normal means like other students of the class so, that nobody think that I am bragging or showing off. It wasn't my purpose, I am used to the accent I speak. Since my childhood I'm speaking that accent so what is so bad about it? I could have understood this before. I shouldn't have wasted it.
I think that is it, after reading this story, everyone think who the hell this "I" is? I the crushed soul, still chasing me and it will chase me forever, it will die and burr with me in my grave, as that crushed soul is me. That is "I" when I say "I".
The "I" represent everyone of us, who is the character and what is the name, it is not important. The fact is to convey the message, save yourself and your soul, do not let others crush it under their feet. Crush the harshness of life, chew it hard and throw it away, you will feel sweetness of life at the end.
All copyrights are reserved.
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